Marriage invalidating a will
John Gottman has been conducting marital therapy research for 25 years, and is a well-respected leader in the field.Along with his wife Julie Gottman, they have developed an approach to Couples Therapy based on research findings.◦ avoiders and attackers are the worst pairing, with severe distancer-pursuer dynamic.◦ As with all descriptions of character-traits, these types refer to behaviors which can be monitored, regulated and to some extent changed.The research provides considerable information which enables one to predict, with a high degree of accuracy – about 94% – which couples will stay together and which are likely to divorce.Further, among those which stay together, which are likely to be happy and which unhappy.These interaction patterns are also, not surprisingly, strong predictors of marital meltdown.
* How do couples get to this point of feeling distant and disconnected from each other?
” Typically women are more likely to criticize then men and men are more likely to stonewall and withdraw.
Often couples get into heated discussions about crucial issues, sometimes giving rise to anger.
Gottman identifies four main “toxic behaviors” which contribute directly to couples feeling disconnected, isolated and distant from each other.
When couples have a high frequency of these toxic behaviors, isolation and lonliness increases.
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These “cascades of isolation and lonliness” increases the liklihood of marital meltdown and contribute strongly to the liklihood of divorce. “What the hell’s wrong with you Sarah…I can’t believe you did’t put gas in the car.” In fact, the way in which a discussion begins including the way in which complaints are expressed is hugely important in determining the way in which the discussion will go.